Apart
by baccamarielle
Summary: Everyone knows how attractive the Seitan Taisen can be, even Sanzo. But when he gets his wish, is it what he really wants? Allusions to ST3, future 39. Some implications of forceful "consensual" activities. Later on could be described as "unconsensual."
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Saiyuki.

"Come on, Sanzo! Pleeeease!" Sanzo gritted his teeth at the voice piercing through his head, "Harahe-"

SMACK! Sanzo repeatedly whacked Goku with his paper fan. "Will you just shut up! I am sick and tired of you whining! Would you just leave me the fuck alone for once!" Sanzo turned and stalked over to the table. Grabbing his Marlboros and lighting one up, he mumbled to himself, "Gods, why does he have to be here? Why can't it be the _other?_"

Sanzo froze. He hoped Goku didn't hear that, but he knew the monkey had exceptional hearing. Turning, he looked at Goku, his heart twisting at the sight. Goku was standing still with a soft, sad smile on his face and golden eyes that knew so much yet little. Sanzo watched as those beautiful eyes flickered between him and the door and Sanzo knew Goku had heard careless comment.

He wanted to take it back and comfort the pain in those fuckin' gorgeous eyes but he did not do those sorts of things. He was above it. Nor would he take the comment back. The _other _was a better fighter and companion, Sanzo had to remind himself.

"Well, I'm sure Hakkai has something for me. I'll just go." Goku looked down and quickly brushed past him and out the door.

It was at times like these that Sanzo hated himself. He laid down on the bed and knew he had to wait. It won't be long till those golden eyes come back, only slitted, and not as beautiful as their original form.

A few minutes later, the door to Sanzo's room opened and closed silently and a small, compact figure climbed up on the bed on top of Sanzo. Sanzo looked into the face of the young man and saw only a wicked grin with sharp canines, long brunette hair, and muted gold eyes.

"What took you so long?" Sanzo grunted as sharp claws dragged down his chest.

"He was more resilient today." Sanzo inwardly grinned at the monkey stubbornness, proud he could hold out so long, but cringed at the elaborate vocabulary that shouldn't have come from that mouth. "I won't let anyone keep me from my prey." The low voice husked in Sanzo's ear as an agile tongue traced the shell. Sanzo moaned deeply and let himself be dominated as bright, wide golden eyes replaced the slitted ones in his mind.

Sanzo lay there, panting as the creature above him pulled out and rolled away. He pinched the bridge of his nose, wondering for the hundredth time why he allows this every night. He knew he would have to face the hurt in Goku's eyes in the morning and he really didn't want to. For some reason, Sanzo could never look at the pain in those honey eyes in the mornings. To Goku's credit, though, he never mentioned what happened on these nights, if he did remember.

The purring of the creature beside him slowly started to change to cautious breathing as the body tensed up. Shit. Goku never came back this early. Goku slowly sat up and ran a hand through his hair. Sanzo watched that hand and swallowed hard. Before Goku had always come back in the morning, and while the youth knew what happened, there had never been this kind of evidence before.

When Goku turned to look at him, Sanzo saw knowledge in those eyes, and realized that Goku was somehow there through the whole thing. There was also sad resignation intermingled with that knowledge. Sanzo's heart seemed to freeze.

He didn't like seeing those things in Goku's eyes. In fact, it scared the shit out him, so he reacted as he only knew how; shoving Goku off the bed.

"Get the fuck out of my room bakasaru! I don't want _you_ here!" Sanzo inwardly flinched at the last comment.

Goku stood up and slowly put on his clothes as Sanzo turned and lit up a cigarette. When he heard the bedroom door close, it closed soundly, with a click that seemed like a finality, and Sanzo almost called out for him to come back. But he didn't, because he definitely did _not _want the monkey to get the wrong ideas. Or to replace the hurt in those amber eyes with lust. There was no way in hell he wanted to do that.

Goku turned away from Sanzo's door with sad acceptance. He knew for awhile that Sanzo had been fucking his other half, but having Sanzo say he preferred the other and then having the other half force him to watch Sanzo's passion being freely given to his monstrous side hurt like a bitch. Especially when he's had been trying for years to get that passion directed toward himself, it goes to that monster. He didn't understand. Why would Sanzo choose the creature over him? What was he missing? Did Sanzo want something he couldn't give? Or is it Goku himself that Sanzo dislikes? Goku stilled on that thought. Considering all the actions and words Sanzo was doing lately, maybe that was it. Goku would never be what Sanzo wanted, no matter how much he tried to improve himself, become the person whom Sanzo would be glad to call his equal. Sanzo also wanted to be done with the quest and fulfill his promise to his master, and _he_ could probably help Sanzo better and faster than Goku could and protect him the whole time. Goku wasn't needed or wanted by his sun.

Goku started to slowly walk down the stairs to the front door. Walking out of the inn, he wander through the empty town, aimlessly, till he got to the outskirts. Looking around, he spotted a forest and headed directly into it. It would take awhile before anyone could find him in there. Wandering through it for about an hour, he found a clearing and sat against a large tree, trying to drain his stress into it and not cry. "Please…" the words tumbled brokenly from his lips, "someone…"

Bright light burst forth into the clearing accompanied by a sakura blossom fragrance. "You called Son Goku?" Kanzeon Bosatsu. Her voluptuous body came into focus after a few minutes and she smirked at him, but held a sad look in her features.

"I think you already know what I want." Goku whispered. "I want to make him happy and I believe this to be the only way." _This is the last thing I can give you Sanzo…I hope you'll finally be pleased with my decision. It was so hard to make…_

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because he tells me enough on a regular basis he wants it that way. "

"Its Konzen. When does he ever say what he truly wants?"

"If he didn't mean it, he always gives some sign or assurance. Not for this, though, ever. In fact, he-" Goku choked up.

"I know Goku… I saw and I am so very sorry," Kanzeon sighed. "Are you sure _you_ want this? I don't know if I could ever reverse this. What I'm about to do it bad enough. It goes against what heaven wants for that thing inside you."

Goku sighed and rested his forehead in the palm of his hand. "Sanzo gets who he wants and can complete the mission without fail, and I just get to live, quietly…peacefully." _Lonely…_ his traitorous mind added.

Kanzeon nodded with a sad look in her eyes. "Very well. We all know you could use some peace in your life after what all you've been through. Consider this as a reward for all you've done." _Though I wouldn't call it one… Why can't you see the way he stares after you, Goku? I guess, though, anymore of this would kill Goku…_

And with that, she knelt in front of Goku, closed her eyes, and started chanting. Placing her hand on him, he began to glow and the whole light enveloped Goku's body, seemingly to pull him apart. Goku gave one last melancholy sigh before everything went dark.

"God! Where is he?" Sanzo grumbled and light up another cigarette. The stupid, fucking monkey had been gone for two days and Sanzo hated to admit it but, he was worried.

"Don't worry. He'll probably come back on his own, or we'll get some sort of message if he was captured. Probably." Hakkai smiled falsely at Sanzo. Sanzo hated it. He wanted back the honest, open, stupid grin.

"Who knows, maybe the monkey went out to get some-" THWACK! Gojyo fell out of his chair when the white paper fan connected solidly against his head. "HEY!"

"I'm going to get some more cigarettes," Sanzo growled and walked out of the room, slamming the door shut.

"Gojyo…"

"Yeah, I know, Hakkai. It just hurts me to see Goku hurting so much. He should never had to go through this. If the monk could get his damn head out of his ass, he'd see that he cares about Goku and is just using the Seitan Taisen as a shield. "

"Yes, I know. I doubt the scars of this will leave Goku for a very long time. Maybe Goku should use some more…persuasive measures…"

"Like I on you?"

"Yes. Exactly. Then maybe Sanzo would realize what he is pushing away."

He couldn't hear him anymore. Ever since that stupid fucking night when the stupid fucking monkey disappeared, he couldn't fucking hear him anymore! Sanzo was livid. How dare Goku just shut up on him like that!

Sanzo's feet took him the forest on the outskirts of town. It seemed a place that the monkey would probably like to hide in. Irritated and vowing to use his paper fan on Goku and shoot at him a few times for good measure, Sanzo gritted his teeth and took the obscure path into the forest.

The further he got into the woods, the more quiet and still it had become. Not even insects were roaming about, which was never a good sign. Sanzo fingered his gun hidden in his sleeve, ready to take it out at a moments notice.

At the low grumbling sound to his right, Sanzo whipped around with his gun at the ready to face the Seitan Taisen. The youkai wore a feral grin and the dominating look was in his dampened gold slitted eyes. Something was different about him. There was no presence of Goku at all and that was what scared Sanzo the most.

When he took a step back, Seitan Taisen pounced, his clawed hand ripping Sanzo's clothes and it was all Sanzo could do to pray that Seitan Taisen wasn't in a sadistic mood tonight and that Goku would return shortly after.

Gingerly, Sanzo sat up, feeling little rivulets of blood running down his back where Seitan Taisen had clawed down it. There was also blood lining his neck and shoulders from all the bites and blood in between his legs where he was forcefully taken. Seitan Taisen had enjoyed all of it. It seemed like there was nothing holding him back anymore and he was going to use Sanzo as he wanted. That scared the shit out of Sanzo. Where was Goku? Goku always had been there to protect…

Quickly lighting a cigarette, Sanzo felt thin, muscled arms wrap around his waist and a sharp canine nip his ear. "Still hungry?"

"Always," murmured the elemental against his neck.

"Where's the diadem?"

Seitan Taisen pulled back and Sanzo turned around to face him. "Why would you care? You always said I would make a better travel companion than _him_. Also, I can give you what you want."

No longer sure on that last point, Sanzo still pressed. "Where is it? I can't have you going around murdering and killing innocent people."

Seitan Taisen let out a barking laughter, "No one is ever completely innocent. From the day something is born, it is the most greedy bastard on the planet. Always wanting and taking, never giving."

"That is not enough justification to kill anyone. If you go by that logic, you and I should be dead too."

"And someday we will be. I just bring judgment day earlier for the others. Anyways, it's the only fun thing to do besides you."

Sanzo tried to keep his voice calm, but it was so hard to do with angry pulsing inside of him. "_Where_ is the _diadem?_"

Seitan Taisen stared at him for a long moment, calculating, before replying, "I don't know."

"What the fuck do you mean _you don't know?!"_

"Contrary to what you might believe, I am telling the truth. I did not force my way out this time nor did he let me control his body. I only know that when I came to consciousness, there was no diadem, the bitch from upstairs was fading away and _he _was walking away."

"The bitch from upstairs? Do you mean the old hag? And what do you mean Goku was walking away?!"

"Yes, she's the one I meant and he must've made some sort of deal with her to separate us because he's no longer here with us and we can have our fun."

Seitan Taisen started rubbing circles near the base of Sanzo's manhood, but Sanzo pushed him away roughly and stood up, glaring down at him. Seitan Taisen could smell the man's anger.

"So he is no longer connected to you and you just let him _walk away?_"

The slitted eyes flashed dangerously at the turbulent storm rising in violet eyes. "Yes. That is what you and I both wished for and he gave us what we wanted," he hissed. Sanzo turned and started pulling on his clothes. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to find Goku." As he finished the sentence, Sanzo felt himself be lifted up and thrown against a tree.

"You don't really want to do that." The elemental started to grind hips against Sanzo's and Sanzo hated his treacherous body.

"You have no hold over me." Sanzo pushed away the youkai and started walking away.

"You have no need for him anymore since he is now only human. Everything you need to accomplish your mission I have and he will only hindrance you. So why do you go after him? Could it be that you might actually lo-"

"I care for no one!" Sanzo cut him off. "Not even you. I don't need you for anything I do."

"So why go after him when he is of no use? That's not like you. Maybe what I said just now is true."

Sanzo stopped, his pride being torn both ways. No way was he in love with the monkey. And no way could he stay and do as the youkai said. Also, if everything the Seitan Taisen just said was true, Goku was now only human and had a shit ton of enemies because of this journey. But if he left, that would just confirm the former.

"I'm going to buy some cigarettes." Sanzo turned and walked in the direction of the town, cursing himself 9 ways to hell.

Seitan Taisen smirked and in a flash his clothes were on and he was at Sanzo's side, his place, not the now bastard human's.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Saiyuki.

_ Hakkai… Hakkai will know what to do…_ Sanzo repeated the phrase like a mantra to himself, over and over again. The smug little shit was gliding beside him, like it was somehow his place. Very little people are allowed that luxury…in fact only two. And if that perverted kappa thinks he's one, then Sanzo would… well… at this point in time, Sanzo would have preferred Gojyo next to him then this creature, this creature who so looked like his charge and yet couldn't even compare. He thought about whacking the creature back a few feet, but stopped himself for he didn't want a repeat of the incident in the woods. He was still fucking sore from that.

As Sanzo neared the inn, his footsteps faltered. How the hell would he explain this to the other when even he couldn't figure it out. Pinching the bridge of his nose he searched inwardly again for that annoying voice, hoping to find it and use it as an anchor in this chaotic time. It would be the only thing normal at this point.

But it wasn't where it normally was. It wasn't there at all. Sanzo knew this would be the outcome, it had been like this for two days, but the monk had still hoped. _That's what you get for hoping, fuckin' disappointment every time, already knew that… Goku, where-_

Sanzo's thought process broke off as sharp claws dug into his side. He looked down into feral eyes. "Are you going to come in with me? Or shall I greet those to imbeciles by myself?"The Seitan Taisen's fangs gleamed underneath it's grin as he started walking forward.

"Oh no you don't." Sanzo grabbed the neckline of the creature which caused it to growl in warning, but Sanzo was firm. "Think of what those two idiots will think when they see you, you idiot. They'll immediately go on defense and you would kill them just to see the look on their faces. I can't let that happen…Hakuryuu needs a driver and Hakkai just wont do it without the other bastard so you let me explain things to them."

The Seitan Taisei looked over his shoulder with a smirk and slowly turned. "Fine. You can do that, but don't get too used to lording over me. Remember whose in charge of who here." He whispered as he raked his claws up Sanzo's manhood.

Sanzo growled and pushed the hand away. "Stay right behind me and don't let the other guests see you. I don't want the whole fuckin' town to freak out…And don't attack anyone either."

Nipping Sanzo's ear, the Seitan Taisei hummed his consent.

Sanzo pushed him away, marched through the inn door and made his way to Hakkai and Gojyo's door.

"Ow! Fuck Hakkai! Be more gentle!"

"Well, I wouldn't have had to do this if you hadn't attacked Sanzo. You knew the Seitan Taisei would be protective of him. Sanzo is the only one he likes."

"You wanted to smash his head in too, admit it! He drove Goku away! That bastard!"

"You're right, I did want to hurt Sanzo, but I also took note of what he was saying and debated whether or not it would be beneficial to my health or not to treat Sanzo how he deserves or to keep silent."

"Shut up." Gojyo sat silent, staring out the window. Hakkai knew what was going through his head. Gojyo was as easy to read as Gok-… well, how he thought Goku was. Hakkai had never expected this, for Goku to come up with a plan this thorough and carry it out without anyone noticing. "I'm going after him."

Hakkai looked up, expecting this. "Gojyo, I know how much you want to but…"

"Don't you dare tell me you don't want to! Don't tell me that this is better all around because the Seitan Taisei is a better fighter and we can get the mission done faster! Don't tell me that Sanzo will be happier because his fuck buddy is now around 24/7! I already know this and I don't give a shit! I'm worried about Goku and I have always preferred him over that monk's holy ass so I'm going to find him!"

Hakkai looked up at the heaving Gojyo. It seemed Gojyo covered the basics. "I feel the same way you do at this point Gojyo. I want nothing more than to drop everything and look for Goku. But If we do, the Seitan Taisei will see that as a insult to Sanzo and might come after us and no matter how well we fight Gojyo, we cannot win against him. We can't help Goku if we're dead."

Gojyo turned to took out the window into the night, his fists clenched and shaking. "I just cant stand to be in the same place as that bastard!" Gojyo's voice broke and he frantically searched for and pulled out a cigarette, lighting it in a matter of seconds and quickly filling the room with smoke.

"Aren't you forgetting something Gojyo? Don't you remember the way Sanzo looed after Goku? How Goku was the only one who could get away with anything in our group? I don't think Sanzo's happy about this. I think he's in just as much if not more pain than we are and he probably already knows he's the one who pushed Goku to his decision. And now he has to live with the consequences. Literally. Would you like to take his place as the Seitan Taisei's lover?"

Gojyo sat down with his head in his hands. "To be honest Hakkai, it was always a kinky fantasy, doing it with the Seitan Taisei, but in reality, I don't fuckin' envy the bastard at all. I see the way he limps everyday, and sometimes the blood soaks through his leather and robes. I also saw the way Goku would stare at him from the backseat, like he was about to cry, the poor kid. He knew what his other half did to Sanzo and he couldn't stand it. He probably just wanted to love Sanzo and yet Sanzo still choose the monster and not Goku."

"Sanzo's probably not too happy with himself either Gojyo. First he couldn't protect his master and now this. I think the way we can help Goku now Gojyo, is by making sure Sanzo doesn't pull the trigger."

"Ah." Hakkai heard Gojyo's voice break and got up to stand next to Gojyo. Wrapping his arms around his shaking lover, Hakkai also let his tears fall.

Sanzo sat across the hallway from the other two, staring at his gun, the way it shone in the moonlight. Slowly he started to load one bullet into it. That's all it'd take. Just one. Cocking it, he raised it up, ready to pull the trigger, but Goku's face filled his mind and he couldn't. The Seitan Taisei was apart of Goku, even if it was an asshole, but he just couldn't bring himself to harm any part of Goku. That left only one option.

Turning the gun to point at his own head, Sanzo thought of Goku when he first saw him, looking up at him with those fucking sun-filled eyes he couldn't turn away from. He couldn't stand it, first his master, now Goku. Closing his eyes, Sanzo pulled the trigger, the blast deafening him.

After the ringing stopped, Sanzo opened his eyes, to see angry slitted amber eyes glare back down at him and the bullet in his hand. _Tch. Figures._

"Do you really think I'd let you go that easily, my pet?' The Seitan Taisei purred in a deadly voice. Climbing onto Sanzo's lap he murmured, "Now we will have to punish you. I never said you could leave. You're thinking too much of that _human_. I shall need to fill your mind with only me."

The Seitan Taisei pushed Sanzo face down into the mattress on latched onto his neck, yanking off both their clothes. Sanzo grabbed onto the memory of sun-filled halcyon eyes to transport him far away.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Saiyuki.

Goku stumbled through the woods, not caring where he was going. The instincts he had before; smell, sight, strength, _Sanzo_, were left behind with that creature. Now mortal and a human, he didn't know how to survive, but that fact didn't faze him. All he could feel was the pain lancing through him, stabbing and ripping. He couldn't feel Sanzo anymore. He knew this would happen, but he didn't realize it was going to be this bad.

Goku started to entertain thoughts of suicide in his head, but that's was all he would do. Knowing that he probably would never see Sanzo again, Goku still felt as if he needed to prove to Sanzo, the creature, himself, and everyone that he could survive and lead a happy life without them. That he hadn't just wasted away from the rejection and the hurt.

So, for many days, Goku pushed forward, not eating anything and only drinking from passing streams, hoping he would find civilization somewhere. Sadly enough, the farther the ikkou had traveled, the less towns there were. As he ventured into the hills, Goku started to loose hope that he would find any, but on the 8th day, he found it.

The village, though it was more like a city, was at the bottom of a valley with high hills surrounding it on all sides but one entrance way. Rivers flowed down from all the hills and into a moat around the city and surrounding farms, converging into one river following the path out of the hills. The hills were littered with all kinds of fruit trees and the village was bustling with life.

Goku's mouth started to water.

Running quickly out of the woods and down the hill he barreled into the city. There were stalls for everything! Even things Goku hadn't seen before, which was surprising since he had traveled a lot and lived at Chang'An which was a prime target for traders.

_Holy fuck… What is this place? Its like…paradise… _Looking around everyone was smiling, laughing. Children were unattended, playing throughout the streets. There didn't seem to be any guards. _What the hell is going- Food? _Goku followed his nose to the nearest food stand. Though his youkai senses were gone, he could still find the meat bun stand in the city.

Looking inside he didn't see anyone running the stand. And no one seemed to be paying attention to him from the streets. His stomach grumbled, urging him forward. _Just one, if I could get just one…_ picking up the steaming meat bun, Goku almost dropped it. _Fucking sensitive skin._ After blowing on it a few times, he leaned in to take his first bite of food in over a week.

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing, kid?!"

_Shit! I didn't even sense him! _Goku started to run but the man grab him by his neck and threw him on the ground._ Even my reflexes are slow! Fuck! Why cant I remember that I lost them?!_

"Don't try to run, kid. I don't like being stolen from. Now give me a good reason why I shouldn't give you a good beating?" The man towered over Goku, his stern face was almost frightening. _Still not as scary as Sanzo's…or Hakkai's_.

"I…I…I'm sorry! I haven't eaten in over a week. And when I smelt your meat buns, I couldn't resist. I have no money. I…I-"

"Shut up kid." The man above him rubbed at his temples. "Well, I suppose you can have some, but you need to work for them-"

"YES, PLEASE!" Goku nearly shouted.

"Well, alright. Here," the man shoved the plate of meat buns towards Goku, "eat these on the way. Yuki! Watch the stall while I'm gone." A small "Hai" was heard from the back of the stall. "Well then boy, lets get going. There's some repairs to my house that need to be done. Names Kyo."

Goku quickly swallowed. "Goku. Son Goku. I don't know how good I'll be but I'll try my best."

"Well, I guess that's all I can ask for. I really need help on reproofing the place. I cant climb up there so easily anymore and the place is leaking water every time it rains."

"No problem. Do you have any wood?"

"Yep. Yuki was supposed to help but is spending all his time in books. I don't understand that boy."

Goku smirked. If the boy was anything like Hakkai, he would turn out alright, no matter what he went through. Goku suddenly turned to Kyo, "Why is this place different from the other villages?"

"Huh?"

"I mean, I've been traveling a lot and there hasn't been a town like this: prosperous, happy… has there been any youkai attacks? Anything out of the ordinary? What about the leader of the town?"

"Wow, slow down a bit! Well kid, as for it being prosperous, the town's location is the cause for that. Everything that we sell here, food-wise, was grown here. We all trade with each other and rarely use money. That's too complicated. The only time we use money is for the foreign goods that we sell here that comes in on the trader's boats. We buy the goods from them, they buy our produce and meat. Finest in the country that it is. As for Youkai attacks. There haven't been any. When they started to show signs of growing crazy, we relocated them across the desert. That took a lot of effort. Lost a lot of our men doing that. But they haven't been back since. We've created a look out system, and alarm of sorts, that triggers when there's a youkai approaching so we can ready to protect ourselves and our living. What was your last question?"

For a minute Goku had to think. He had never encountered a town like this before, one with its own defining personality and creativity, and because of that, he had almost forgotten what he originally asked. "Do you have any leaders?"

"Oh no, when this town was founded, we created a system of sorts (I'm sure one of the founders copied it from someone else,) that has a voting system. Every year we vote people into the top council position who run our meetings and tally the results of the votes. They people in charge are only in for a year so they don't get too powerful. Its not perfect but it suits us just fine now. Because of our systems on protection and leadership, we feel safe enough to let our children run free, to believe in the truth that someone would not steal from our stalls *cough* for we all rely on each other. "

"How did you know I was gonna ask-"

"Well kid, you're as easy to read as a book." Kyo stopped in front of a moderate sized house with a small garden in front. It looked like had been well-lived in for years, each generation adding a new room, style, or personality flair to it. To Goku, it kind of reminded him of a quilt with fabric that had been used to its best for years.

"Father!" Goku turned to see a girl stepping out of the house. "Aren't you home from work a little- oh." She stopped when she saw Goku. She was a short little thing, with dark raven locks and wide deep brown eyes which stared unblinking at Goku. She seemed a little younger than him. "It seems as if we have a visitor."

"Yumi, this is Son Goku. He'll be working on the roof today in exchange for a meal. Goku, my daughter Yumi."

"Pleased to meet you Goku." She held out a wide calloused hand.

"Nice to meet ya, too." Goku could tell from the calluses and strong shoulders on her that she worked hard, but that laugh lines around her mouth and in the corners of her eyes told that while it was hard, she was still satisfied and happy with her life.

"If you get started, I start preparing the meal. Father, you shouldn't leave Yuki alone too long. He'll get stuck in that book and then people will really start stealing from you."

"The only person from this town who does steal from me is you. Ill be home by supper time. Goku, here are the tools you'll need."

"Hai. Thank you again sir." Kyo walked off with a wave.

Turning around Goku saw Yumi had already disappeared into the house. A little disappointed, he climbed up onto the roof, however as he worked, he and Yumi started to converse through the holes in the roof that Goku was patching up. He learned that her mother was killed by a youkai about a year ago with Yuki's, her cousin's, parents. Yuki since moved in with her family so they all could support each other. Very quickly, he found out she had a sharp sense of humor, and often got the better of Goku, much to his embarrassment. That soon was quickly forgotten when, while cooking, Yumi would quickly join him on the roof and ask him how something tasted and what to try different, since he told her he had traveled a long way.

Goku told her of his life, the places the traveled, and tried not to dwell on Sanzo too much. It was easier since Yumi distracted him away from those gloomy paths. She treated him as no one else had. An equal. Not as a child, a annoying brat, or as a pet, but as a person. _How do I respond to this?_

The day quickly faded away and Goku finished up the roof and helped Yumi with the finishing touches of dinner. Just as they were setting the table, Kyo and Yuki burst though the door.

"Well! This smells amazing! Yumi! You are such an excellent cook!" Kyo boomed, reminiscent of Gojyo's voice. Yuki nodded in the background.

"Thank you, father! Now lets all eat before it gets cold. You're all bakas if you think I'm going to serve you myself."

"She gets that from her mother," Kyo whispered in Goku's ear, "something about women being man's equal and women's rights and all that stuff. I really don't get it, but hey, more power to them." Goku dumbly nodded to him.

At dinner, Kyo told Yumi and Yuki how he's met Goku, causing Goku to get more than embarrassed. Without thinking he yelled back in retaliation and Kyo gave back as good as he got; it quickly turned into a friendly yelling match. Yuki tried to calm everyone down with a smile and Yumi was laughing so much she was crying. _I can't remember the last time I had this much fun over dinner… when did it stop becoming fun but routine? But if this is better, what's missing? Why does it feel like something's missing? _Amethyst eyes peering through a cloud of smoke appeared in Goku's vision for a moment, but Goku firmly threw it away. _Its not that. I wont let it. I wont let him still rule me and ruin tonight. Sa… _Goku started. "Hey! Don't go stealing my meat bun!"

"Well kid, you're just too damn slow!" Kyo laughed.

"Put it back with the others or I'll-"

"What others?" Goku looked down. His plate was empty. Hearing a snort he glared at Yumi, her cheeks full.

"Uht?" She mumbled.

"AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

After dinner, Goku thanked them all and was starting to head out when Kyo stopped him. "You know, my boy. You did a mighty fine job on the roof. I suppose it also equals a night spent under it. I also have some other projects that I need help with around the house, and we do have a spare room…. What do you say?"

Dumb shocked, Goku stared at Kyo for a second, then burst out, "Yes! Please! Thank you! I am so grateful!" he grabbed Kyo's hand and shook it, "Thank you, sir! Thank you very much! Yumi!"

"I know!" Yumi popped her head around the corner. "I heard! (I'm a shameless eavesdropper!) This is going to be so exciting!" Yuki jumped in the hallway.

Goku had a very strong feeling that things were going to start getting better from now on. That night when he slept, though, he heard a faint whisper. As though someone was calling him.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Saiyuki.

In the past month the Sanzo-ikkou had made great progress. They won every attack in a few minutes and had no distractions. This wasn't what they wanted.

In the last month, everything about them had changed. While their outward appearance was the same, if an observer came closer, they would feel the electric current running through them, exterminating everything in its path. They all were at their wits end with each other.

Gojyo was now riding in the front passenger seat. It was deemed safer that way since only Sanzo could get close to the Seitan with out it attacking him. Gojyo was no better. Anytime the Seitan would open its mouth, Gojyo had the strong urge to shut him up for good. Sometimes he would try to act on it, but Hakkai and, surprisingly, Sanzo was always there between them, so Gojyo brooded in the front seat while Sanzo was forced to endure the Seitan.

By this time Sanzo was now openly disdaining the Seitan, which Gojyo was sure caused him no end of torment, but he liked seeing the holy monk being tormented. _Its what the bastard deserves. _Looking in the rearview mirror, Gojyo could see Sanzo trying to sit as far away from the monster as possible but the little shit just wouldn't stop touching him, like Sanzo was his property. _Sickening._

Sanzo himself was close to trying to gut the little bastard, but wide golden eyes filled his mind and he couldn't. _Where the fuck are you? When I find you you're going to be so fuckin' sorry bakasaru… come back… _Inwardly he cringed at that thought, but lately that last one had started to repeat in his head, a low level mantra starting to rise and broaden.

Nails dug in his arms, drawing blood. Sanzo hissed. "I can sense it, you know, when you're calling out," the demon snarled at him.

"I wasn't calling anyone." Literally, he was, but also not. Not out loud at least.

"Don't give me that bullshit! Why the fuck wont you get the little human out of your head? He's a little piece of shit-" Sanzo grabbed the wrist that had captured his arm.

"Don't you fucking dare talk about him that way," Sanzo's voice was low and dangerous.

"Believe me, Sanzo. You don't dare want to fight on me with this. Remember you're _mine!_"

Sanzo ripped the offending appendage away. "I don't belong to anything! I'll fight as much as I god damn want to! If you ever talk about Goku or think of harming him, you'll have no place to run from me. I can defeat you quite easily and you know that, so if I were you I would leave both him and me the fuck alone."

The slitted eyes narrowed. "Do you know what you're saying? I can destroy the whole world, you and your precious pet along with it in a matter of seconds. If I were you, I would reconsider your words and actions. Stop trying to refuse me. It'll only end up the same way as it does every other time."

Sanzo stared at the Seitan for awhile, seemingly debating in his mind. But whatever it was never was made known for Sanzo chose to remain quiet.

But Hakkai knew. He could practically hear Sanzo screaming it out but for the safety of everyone chose to endure more nights of torment. Gojyo glanced over at Hakkai, questions burning in the gaze. He'll have to explain later to him, that what was said to Goku, was a lie and didn't want to be uttered. What isn't said to the Seitan is the truth, but doesn't dare make itself known in fear of incurring the monster's wrath.

_Its not you who I want._

Goku was already loved among the village. Not only did he do an excellent job at restoring houses and buildings, but he had proven himself to be among the best at defending the city. About a week after he had arrived, at his first shift of volunteering to watch for danger, there was an youkai attack. Fortunate he spotted the creatures just in time so the village was fully armed and prepared. Goku, quickly came up with battle plans that were flawless against the enemy and his fighting skills were above the average human's. Already he had made superhero status in the town, and it never seemed to change him. He was as nice and kind as ever.

Goku himself still felt a little out of sorts. He sat high on Kyo's rooftop, to think everything out. _Its been over a month since I've gotten here. I made a place for myself, friends, family , Yumi… I feel as if…I could stay here forever. Its like a dream come true. Maybe this is my new home… but… the calling is getting louder, more insistent…_

_ "_Goku!" Goku looked over to see Yumi climbing a ladder onto the roof. "here, I brought you some extra meat buns that didn't sell today."

"Sankyuu!"

As Goku tore into the meat buns, he regarded Yumi carefully. He had told her everything, eventually and still she accepted him without an inch of distrust. Even when he said he had been in love with a guy and a demon. She was completely unlike Sanzo. Relaxed, hardworking, fun, and instead of surrounding in sunlight, she let him bask in the lunar glow. She fit the night, the hair blending in, her eyes shining as stars, and her skin glowed in the moonlight. She seemed as if to be an ethereal being… the moon.

"You know," Goku snapped to attention at her murmur, "at night everything seems perfect. Dreams soar high above we fly among them, surrounded its wings, the moon lighting our path… and we, and I believe the earth, feels as if we finally made it to nirvana…" Her chocolate eyes turned to him and Goku couldn't find in himself the strength to resist.

He leaned forward and slowly molded his lips over hers and believed that he finally had flown high, and that nothing could compare. To her. Yumi.

After what seemed forever, he lifted up his head and looked at her. Yumi smiled and he couldn't help but smile in return.

"Why don't you try to sell the meat buns tomorrow?"

"Because we only like to sell the freshest product we can. Why give customers second rate when first rate is better?"

"Don't you have to trade a lot for it though? You have to give so much to obtain the best only to through it out in a flash." Goku didn't understand.

"Yes, its true that to create something that lasts and people will never stop talking about until the end of time, you do have to give a lot, but in the end, the product in return gives so much more back. Its always more satisfying that way. You cant force it to be or do something its not, but work with it and to keep it from falling apart to create something worthwhile. And we never throw it out; we find someone who will love and appreciate it. " Goku felt like he finally started to understand. "Meat buns are difficult that way you know?" Yumi gazed at him with a sad, understanding look in her eyes.

_ Yeah… Did I throw something out that could have been saved? Sanzo… my sun…_

"The thing about the night is…"

"Huh?"

"… that day comes after. Reality comes back in and the dreams we had flown with fade to a memory and then are soon forgotten. And we learn that the moonlight, is actually the reflection of the sun. While its beautiful, the moon and night never compare to the sun and day, for that is what people truly dream for. That is what gives them substance and life. Everyone would wither and die without it. We would die without the warmth of the sun and we learn that the nirvana we found the night before, is the poor imitation of true nirvana." Yumi turned to Goku with a small smile. "It is time to find the truth, Son Goku. To find the sun. Nirvana can only be found when reality is finally better than your dreams."

Goku smiled in return. He leaned close and whispered, "To keep the memory of the moon…" and kissed her one last time. He then stood with finality. "I'm sorry, but he's calling me. I can hear him. He needs…"

Yumi stood up beside him. "The sun always needs his earth, for who else can he shine upon? If no one is there, then there is no reason to keep shining. Go find your sun that you told me about so often. There is a poor imitation of his earth there and both of you know it and its killing all three. You need to go now."

"Goodbye Yumi. Tell everyone…"

"That you went in search of nirvana. Goodbye."

And with that, Goku jumped down onto the porch below to quickly pack his things.


	5. Note

Hey everyone. Someone recently wanted to read this story so I thought I'd post it again. I haven't thought about this story in a long time and don't know if I want to update it or not. I'll leave it posted so people can enjoy it.

Sorry for the inconvenience!

However, if there is anyone who would like to continue the story for me, I would be glad to pass it along after I reviewed their wrting style and talked with them for a bit. LEt me know! 


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